Choices Choices

We got some early news. On Monday my doctor called me and told me she wanted to see me today. I was a little panicked, why would she want to see me so soon? It could only have been bad news right? So I was preparing myself for the worst. But on the way there I was telling Bradley, I can try to prepare for the worst but until I hear the news I really can't imagine the worst.
We got there they did the normal routine things. Check blood pressure, check the babies heart beat. (which was strong and healthy) Then she told me we got back some preliminary results and she wanted to talk to us right away.
We went in her office and she told us that our sweet baby has Triploidy. What's that? She has a full set of extra chromosomes. Most people have 46, our baby has 69.
Most woman miscarry within the first trimester, which of course I haven't. Bradley said she is just stubborn.
Now for the hard part. In most cases of triploidy the baby will eventually end up in a miscarriage. But in some cases the baby will grow to full term and will either be stillborn or live for just a short time after that. No matter what happens this baby wont live.
So...if that isn't hard enough Dr. Meents also told me now I'm at risk. I can become extremely sick and risk a number of health issues.
She told us that she is pro life, but in this situation with my risk she suggested to induce my labor early.
I've had a lot of advice from a lot of different family members. All supporting whatever me and Bradley decide. But we do know if we keep this pregnancy going I could die and then my kids won't have a mom. People keep reminding me that my kids need me and I need to take care of myself.
As of this morning we have prayed and decided we will induce, but just now I read some story about a couple just letting it go on and she just eventually miscarried.
I still have a lot of questions for both the specialist which we see on Tuesday and for my own doctor. So I'm glad I don't have to make this decision now. Although I think Bradley is leaning towards inducing me, and most of the time I am too.
This is such a hard decision. I can feel her kick all the time, which makes this decision even harder.
This is probably the hardest thing I have gone through. Knowing I will have to deliver this baby and not get to take her home gets me every time. But I know I am so blessed with 2 healthy kids and someday we will get to raise this baby. Thank you for all your prayers and for those that fasted for us on Sunday.
Bradley's mom put it the best way. "Our fasting worked, she is here to gain a body and that's all she needed".

Something new and different for us

So I don't really even know how to begin this thing or how to explain. So I'll start back on this past Monday.
I was 18 weeks and 3 days along on Monday and we were thinking Bradley was gonna go back on the road and work on some more power plants. I really wanted to find out before he left what we were going to have, so I talked to my doctor and she made an exception to let us find out what we were going to have that day.
We went in the ultra sound room and found out that we are going to have a little girl. Which was good. We really didn't care what we were having since we have both, boy and girl.
Anyways she got done with the ultra sound and said just a second and I'll see if she needs anything else. Dr. Meents (my doctor) then comes in and sits down with us and tells us "the reason I'm in here is we found some problems wrong with you baby."
My heart sunk and I could just feel my face turning red. In simple words She told us that some of her organs were growing on the outside of her and there was some fluid on her brain. I broke down crying uncontrollably and thank goodness Bradley was there to comfort me. She told us we needed to go see a specialist in Springfield to tell us more about the problem though. So we went home not knowing exactly what was going on. She did tell us it could be life threatening or she could have birth defect but we just wont know until we see someone else.
I went home and got a blessing from my dad and Bradley that afternoon and felt tons better and comforted. And we also had a good Family home evening with my family on special children and how miracles do happen. And we listened to a talk at the last priesthood session by Elder Oaks.

So today Wednesday we headed to Springfield hoping for the best. We got there and everyone was so nice to us and we finally got another ultra sound that took forever. Both me and Bradley were going to sleep. Then the doctor, Dr. Dix came in and looked a little bit at the ultra sound and then we went in her office to talk with her.
So to make another long story short she told us that
1.Our babies intestines were growing outside of her body and would definitely need surgery and
2. That the left side of her brain was bigger than the right.
She gave some medical terms for all of this but she gave us so much info today I can't remember the terms used.
I was so confused and had no idea what she was even telling us so she had to explain it again a second time.
She told us if the baby has an extra chromosome 18 that there is no way we can save this baby. I will carry the baby possibly to full term knowing this baby wont live but maybe 1 day. She asked if this was the case would we want to abort the baby? I told her that is not an option for us.
Knowing that even if this baby lived for a second she would gain her body here on earth and that's all she needed.
She told us that they needed to do some testing on me and take fluid from inside the placenta to find out if the baby did have this extra chromosome. If the baby didn't have this extra chromosome we would have to deliver in St. Louis at a special hospital. Dr. Dix also told us this baby has a 1 in 3 chance of having this extra chromosome because of her enlarged brain.

So this is totally something new for our family and I never ever would have thought something like this would happen. It scary and sad and confusing all at the same time. I know if I didn't have the two kids I have this would be so much more challenging. I have come to appreciate them more over these past few days and realize just how special they are.
We find out in two weeks if this baby will live or not so in the mean time all I can do is pray and have faith everything will turn out.

So I'll end on a cute note:
Today Bradley took Payson with him to go and weld something and while they were driving Payson asked Bradley if the baby had come out yet? Bradley told him "no not yet, but when the baby does come the baby might not get to come home with us because she is really sick.
The baby might go back home and live with Heavenly Father."
Then Bradley asked, don't you think the baby would like that?
Payson said Yeah.
Then Bradley said Ya and then Jesus could hold our baby in his arms. Do you think the baby would like that?
Payson said Yeah. and then paused a little moment thinking and asked
"When is Jesus gonna hold me?"
Bradley just told Payons well hopefully not for a while buddy.
I love that, he is such a sweet little guy!!

Easter Sunday

I'm a week late but I just got these pictures back from Michelle that she took last Sunday. I told Michelle I don't even need to take pictures because Michelle takes so many and she is so much better than I am. So thanks Michelle for the cute pictures.

Royce hid one in the exhaust and it got stuck. They had to turn on the car to blow it out.

This was Payson's alligator he got in his Easter basket. He loved it and showed everyone that came over.
Payson was trying to get Liam to smile so he was making funny faces at him.

Personality like her dad

Sadie looking at Gracie through the binoculars. So weird. Sadie got into my makeup. I was just waiting for this day to come. It really doesn't look that bad she was so proud of herself though.




Sadie wanted to go outside and these were the only shoes she could find. And yes she is wearing boys underwear. She pees in her pants so much we run out of underwear and we resort to Payson's, and also Payson's underwear are the only underwear she knows to get when we tell her to go get some new underwear.









She has such a funny and different personality. She makes me laugh everyday by the random and weird things she does.

Just the other day we saw some deer out our window. The kids were looking out the window and were pretty excited about the deer. I layed down because I wasn't feeling good and Sadie walks out of the room kind of mischievously. I didn't think anything of it though. Then Bradley came in the room and asked where she was and I just said Oh she is in the front room.
Then Payson yells out "no she is going to pet the deer". We looked out the window and she was walking straight toward the deer determined to pet them. She got super close. Closer than anyone I have ever seen get to deer. The deer were just staring at her. Then our dog "Bear" came running up and scared the deer off. She just stood there for a little bit and looked a little confused.
We tried to get it on video but got it to late. Whats even funnier was it was probably in the 40's that day and she walked out in her underwear and it didn't even faze her.

She is so random and has a mind of her own.
I always said I would die if I ever had a kid like Bradley because I have herd so many crazy stories about him as a child. But I think I got a Bradley junior with Sadie. Maybe not as bad but some of the stuff she does is off the top. Even Bradley says she is just like him. Even though she drives me crazy crazy crazy sometimes her quirkiness and randomness is so funny . I love having her around. Life wouldn't be the same without her.

New news

So It has been forever since I have done anything with this blog. I think I enjoy looking at other peoples blogs more than updating my own.

But yes I'm still alive.

I know most people already know but those who don't we are adding a 3rd child to the mix. I'm about 12 weeks along and this pregnancy so far has been unlike my last two.

Why you ask?

Number one: I have actually been sick. I spoke to soon and told to many people "no I don't get sick," boy was I wrong! Just when I think I'm over being sick it will hit me again. But it use to be every day now it is just like once or twice a weeks, so hopefully it will continue to get better.

Number two: I think I am the laziest person in the world with this pregnancy. I don't feel like doing a thing. I just lay on the couch all day long and have no desire to clean cook or even be a mom. Thank goodness I have a husband that is willing to do all that stuff minus the cleaning. I am getting better though and my kids are starting to get there mom back.

Payson is really excited to have a new baby. He ask me everyday if the baby has gotten bigger. I think he will be a great big brother. He loves babies and loves going to see his cousins Liam who is 2 months old and Gracie who is like 2 weeks old.
As for Sadie she likes babies, but I think she will be a little difficult with the new baby and I think there will be some jealousy issues. She is definitely a momma's girl and I think she is old enough to get jealous. Maybe she will prove me wrong hopefully.
The baby right now is due on October 14 which is Payson's birthday but they will do an ultrasound this week to know for sure when my due date is. I really don't want this baby to come on Payson's birthday. Not like I'm ever on time but yeah the 14th would be bad.
So that's our latest news. Nothing big just life changing.

Some more Silly things Payson says

Today at church they asked Payson if he could say the opening pray in primary. I am his teacher so I leaned over to him and told him "remember we aren't eating so don't say thank you for the food . Maybe you could just say thank you we are at church and help us to be good for a teacher and things like that". Payson asked me "can I say thanks for going on the speed boat" (he got to ride in a friends boat yesterday)? I told him no we probably shouldn't say that".Well he gets up there opens the pray say thank you for the speed boat and then closes the prayer. Did he listen to a thing I said?

Later at church I was teaching my class and the kids in my class started talking about their grandparents. Payson blurts out "Yeah my grandma hits me and puts me in time out!

I just ignored it but I thought it was so funny I had to write it down so I wouldn't forget to tell my mom later. My mom said "I never have hit him, maybe put him in time out but Ive never hit him". I new she hadn't I just thought that was so funny. I don't know where he got that, unless his Grandma Reisner did which I strongly doubt.

My sister Michelle has taken some really cute pictures of our family over the past month. There were so many cute ones it was hard to choose my favorites so instead I decided to post a lot.

A little crack never hurt anyone

We attempted to take family pictures and the kids would not be good unless they had the stupid cats. This is the best we got. darn cats!